Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
