After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
