I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
