he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
