Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
