So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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