I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
