hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
