I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
