her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
