the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
