so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
