He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
