Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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