There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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