she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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