hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
