the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
