distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
