those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
