her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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