a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
