Dude my mom stole all your condoms
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
