I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
