I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
