I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
