im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
