Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
