Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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