trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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