Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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