he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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