you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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