I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
