fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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