You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
