It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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