It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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