My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
