Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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