Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
