well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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