I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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