this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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