Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
