YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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