dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
