i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
