is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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