You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
