wakey wakey hands off snakey
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
