she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
