Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
