It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
