Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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