I hate all girls vehemently.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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