Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
