Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
